School Tantrums: help is here!

A complete and easy guide to solve a difficult problem.


dr surabhiDr. Surbhi is a qualified homeopath and mom of two lovely daughters.She loves reading, writing and spending quality time with kids. recently she moved from India to USA and having a new experience here in every aspect of life. She blogs at (positive Parenting). Although she has 5 years of clinical and teaching experience in homeopathy, but the most incredible experience of her life is being a mommy of two cute dolls and now she loves to share her parenting journey with others.

School tantrums are most frustrating issue of parenting. Here is a smart mom’s guide to coping with this:

Parenthood is an adventure. Satisfying, sometimes frustrating and always challenging. When we create children, we create hope and completing all responsibilities gives us a true sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. From birth to infancy all milestones are very important.

kids at school

When an infant crosses all these milestones (teething, crawling, walking) then it is time for schooling. The start of school is a very important aspect of childhood. It creates a sort of tension and anxiety in parents (esp. in first-time parents). They become nervous and panic while thinking about the whole process.

Although first-time separation anxiety is common for both child and parents and it takes some time for initial adjustment in the new atmosphere of the school. Most of the kids get adjusted smoothly at school after an initial struggle. Usually, kids cry or show tantrums only for first 15 min. and after that, they are able to make a connection with teachers and other kids. What happened if this initial time extends up to 1 or more hours? Crying and tantrums all the time and does not show any interest in school-related activities. If your kid starts each morning with “I do not want to go to school”. I think it is most frustrating and disappointing situation for any parent.

Like any other parenting issue, it also has some helping steps that require patience and effort. These are:

Observation before reaction-

this is the first and most common strategy that works like a magic in most of the parenting issues. Whenever a child commits any mistake (anger, supermarket tantrum or does not want to go to school). We react suddenly without making an observation. So do not forget this golden rule. First, make an observation about your child’s behaviour and make an analysis of the existing problem.

learning kids

Find the cause-

every problem has some root cause. Most kids love schools and if your child does not like to go then definitely there will be some reason. Try to find the cause Usually, it comes under these three categories

  1. Problem associated with the child
  2. Problem associated with teachers or with other kids
  3. No definite reason. Bored or lazy

Talk to the child and talk to teachers-

proper communication is the third important step for solving this problem. First, talk to your child (if he is big enough to answer your question) and try to find out the cause. Start your communication in a relaxed and cool manner and gain his trust. Assure him that you will solve his problem. Bullying or any problem with the teacher or any mistake done by him may be the probable cause for his behaviour. In the case of a small child (who cannot express themselves) communication with teachers is the best tool. In both stage talk with the teacher and collecting all information regarding his school routine is mandatory. A detail PTM (parent teacher meets) will undoubtedly help in finding the root cause.


Now, it is time to take action. There may be three possible scenarios in this situation:

The first problem may be with your child. He/she is extremely shy and withdrawn or having a psychological issue. Start working on that factor immediately. Behavioural therapy, proper communication, family support is some good initial steps that will help in boosting the self-confidence of your child. If needed, do not hesitate to take professional help. Proper counselling will solve the problem in the easiest way.

Second –If the problem lies in the school atmosphere. Bullying or misbehaviour of other kids may be the main cause so talking to the school staff is the best remedy. Ask for help and raise your voice. This tiny step will solve your problem and give freedom to your child from unnecessary fear and anxiety.

Third if you find that there is no obvious cause for your child’s behaviour. It is simple laziness; disinterest or feeling bored (kind of attitude), and then now it is your turn to react first with positive explanation and support and second with strict discipline. In this step first try:

  • To encourage your child to change his behaviour and create a positive environment try to include special activities before school and after school time. If your child has initial separation anxiety and fear before school time, then set a ritual (prayer) eat a healthy breakfast, funny family time in routine. This thing will help him for school preparation with positivity. In the same manner, try to create some special moments after school time such as making special snacks to please him.
  • Take the proper interest in conversation and ask him about school events and activities. Make school conversation an important part of your family life for motivation.
  • Reward and praise him for good behaviour (even for cooperation in school preparation)
  • Participate and volunteer at school events to make him happy and proud.
  • These are all baby steps that work like a miracle, but in spite of these efforts and support if he/she does not want to go to school then it is time to show strict discipline.
  • Make a rule for all kids that there is no excuse to school (unless you are sick or other important reason) otherwise, you will lose your one of privilege as a consequence like watch T.V.or play the video game.
  • Do not behave in a sympathetic or flexible manner. They will learn to take advantage of your weakness.
  • Make early to rise and early to bed rule so that you can get enough time to complete all morning routine.
  • Make a behaviour chart to encourage them.

So just follow this simple plan and strategies to solve this difficult problem and I am sure you will find the right way.


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